I used to feel mega imposter syndrome around my co-founder

it's normal to feel pressured by friends. the question is: is it the right friend?

Hi! Welcome to my blog. I appreciate your time here learning something new with me.

What have you been up to the last week?

I have been busy designing an online writing course at MỞ called Writing On The Net, taught by two bloggers Akwaaba, Tùng and Tuấn Mon. I am sharing some learnings from our design process soon.

I have also been feeling a lot lately:)

Yesterday, I got out one of my journaling notebooks and opened it to a page that I wrote while flying from Vietnam to Argentina in the summer of 2022. Before I boarded my flight, I texted Tung, my co-founder aka partner in crime since day 1 of MỞ. In the chat, we talked about how we both felt quite lost about our paths after graduation (now he has more directions about it than I do :D). I wrote, “it’s sad that we are both struggling but there is something wonderful about struggling together.” I don’t have many clues about many things but I know there is at least someone out there in the world who understands me, goes through similar things, and believes in me. Beyond being my co-founder, Tung is a friend that I value dearly.

But I used to feel mega imposter syndrome around Tung.

When I first joined MỞ, I had almost no experience in the education space. I was solely striving to get into big tech companies then. The only value I could bring to the team was that I could help them run one online course because all of my classes at Minerva are online (and here we are having only online courses now XD). Meanwhile, Tung and another early co-founder had so many experiences teaching and facilitating camps, workshops, … When I first started, I felt inferior in my ability to manage projects, articulate my thoughts, facilitate meetings, give feedback to instructors, and think of new, creative ideas. Working alongside someone who has a significant audience and reputation in the education space, I often question whether I am good enough to be here. I worked so so hard in the beginning because I wanted to catch up with them. Sometimes it felt like I am trying to compete with them.

Tung still thinks faster than me. He still has a bigger presence than me. He is still better at giving speeches than me.

But different from before, now I love that we have different strengths and abilities. I love that we think differently to challenge each other.

All these imposter syndrome feelings were coming from my own insecurities, from not understanding myself well enough. Tung has always given me space and opportunities to grow, improve my craft and expertise, and point out how we can complement each other. He helps me understand more about myself. These feelings gradually grow away when we communicate with one another about how we feel, where these feelings might come from, and how we can help each other to improve and leverage our own strengths.

I am still a person who loves executing and building systems. He is still a person who has many ideas and communicates those ideas in a way that makes people care. Tung has pushed me to try new things but simultaneously allowed me to grow the way I am.

Imposter syndrome around friends is so common and understandable. Your friend is doing something better than you and you suddenly feel now there is an imbalance between you. But in these moments, it’s easy to forget perhaps your friend has spent a lot of time practicing and doing what you are starting to achieve now.

If your friend cares about you, they would want to help you learn more about yourself and achieve what YOU actually want. If you care about your friend and your relationship, you would want to look beyond these single imbalance points.

Thanks to Tung, I recently started writing and publishing more about what we do. I want to together with him share our ideas with the world.